QOTW #15: The Aftermath

I feel like I need to talk a little bit about last Saturday's post and then put an end to this topic, for now. As the quote says, everything we do has an aftermath, and it can be loads of things. This time, I took a big chance by writing that post, and I've had quite a good aftermath.

I've learned that it's okay to talk about things, that they don't need to stay silent or concealed just for some to see. I've learned that opening up can free you further than you thought it would. I've learned that talking is important, because it keeps the conversation going. Maybe I'm just a small engine. But the machine keeps working and working.

I went on to write that post without having planned it in advance, I actually had a different post ready. I didn't think about it a lot, I just wrote. And I waited a little to post it, mostly because 1) I was waiting for more people to read my previous post and 2) I was really, reaaaaaally scared. Then, I did it. And for a while, although there was just one comment, the views went up and up and there were some +1s on Google+.

I want to thank you all for your lovely comments, especially Jolien Nathalie for giving me the courage and Beth May for her amazing reaction towards the post. I want to thank those who related and those who didn't. You all had an amazing response and I couldn't be happier about it.

We have a lot of choices. We choose every day who we want to be next, what we want to do. Our life is full of those moments in which we decide. Some of these choices are big, and some are small. But they all have an aftermath, they all have consequences. And that's an overlooked part, sometimes.

So I invite you to tell your story. We all have one. And they all are worth being told.

A big big hug,


Acqua

QOTW #14: On Birthdays and Loneliness

Hi there beautiful people! How are you today? As you know, I'm currently on holidays in Italy, so I haven't been able to use my computer until right now! I'm sorry if I owe you comments!

I was going to write a "Day in the life" post, I had my photos ready and everything, but... it turns out today is my birthday and it led me to a lot of thinking I thought I could share with you.

This quote is very important for society nowadays. As someone who works with children I can say they grow up too quickly. They don't stay as kids for long enough, they miss that opportunity. And speaking for myself, I always try to have something kid-like in my heart, like the excitement for things, the will to be active all the time and not lose a single minute... I always, always try to look at the world through the eyes of children, and it becomes a bigger, scarier and way more wonderful world.

This year, my birthday doesn't come at an exactly good moment for me. A few days ago there was a concert I went to with my friends, and I felt really, really lonely because they all seem to have someone better than me to go with. This has been happening for a while, and I always leave it for the next day and then it doesn't seem that important. But it hurts too much and happens too often for it not to be a concern. I can't conceal it any more.

I know I have moments when I'm better and moments when I'm worse, and I accept it. I know I've been way worse than I am right now. But I still have that voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm not enough. And God, it hurts. I know it's not true, I swear I do, but it's still there.

This is not a "poor me" post, don't take it like that. It's just some thoughts that came to my mind. I will be better and I know it. But some times, loneliness just takes over and some factors pile up and it only makes matters worse. It's okay for that to happen. And it's okay for us to feel bad. Suffering is human. And suffering means it matters, it means you're feeling, you're not numb.

What wouldn't be okay would be to give more power to that voice. We're human and we feel insecure about ourselves, so little voices are bound to come. Those voices aren't what matters. What matters is how you act upon them, if you allow them to control your life or you don't. That's what ultimately affects your life.

I have many great pictures I can't wait to share with you, and... a LUSH haul coming soon! I went to the mall next to where I'm staying and I swear I screamed when I saw the shop. I rarely have the opportunity to go when I'm home! I've decided my present to myself will be a bag of LUSH goodies ^^ And what better present could there be? (Apart from a pile of books which may or may not have been ordered on Amazon!) Any new products you've tried lately and loved?

Have a great week!

A big big hug,


Acqua

"Special" People

Hi there guys! How are you? I'm really sorry I've been missing for a while! I was on a Summer Camp working with kids and of course, I couldn't write a post or comment on your blogs. I will start catching up on what you've done these days soon, but there's a big festivity coming in my village and there's just a lot of stuff! My apologies if I can't be as active as I'd want to.

Before starting to talk about the topic I have for this post, I want to share a shocking experience I've had today. I started giving lessons during the Summer when I was 15, and two of the first English students I ever had were two sisters, aged 10 and 7. I taught them English and occasionally French for three Summers, and then the lessons stopped. I haven't seen them since.

Today, I found out the oldest one died from cancer less than a year ago. It has been one of the biggest shocks I've had in my life. She was a year older than my sister. I can remember them playing while I gave lessons to the younger one. I remember she hated English. I remember she asked to do French instead because she liked it better. I remember she was a little spoiled, a little mean. And I remember how she wrote me a letter for Christmas to wish me happy holidays and thank me for my lessons.

I have a heaviness over me I can't let go of. I hadn't seen her for a couple of years, but still... I know this happens every day and people lose people who are closer to them than she was to me, but it's all so unfair. I remember how cheerful the younger sister was. I wonder if she'll ever be that cheerful again.

I just needed to let it off of my chest. Sorry if I'm rambling, but I don't even know how I feel.

Anyhow, let's move to the topic! I've been working with kids for the whole July and the first week of August and there has been something that has bothered me more than anything else (and believe me, lots of unheard things have happened.) In one of my jobs I worked with a kid who had Asperger Syndrome. So far, so good. He is a lovely kid and is a sweetie to work with even if he has his moments.

What bothered me is that I heard more than one of my coworkers call him "special" more than once. Seriously... what the hell???? What he has has a name, it's called Asperger Syndrome. And it's just a problem he deals with every day. But in the end, he's just a kid who wants to have fun and play like all the others. "Oh, he is special" (or talking about his brother) "This kid has a brother who is special."

I MEAN. I think we should be grown enough and call things by their name. To me, every single kid has things that make them special. That's something that I use as a ground to build my work on. And saying that kid is "special" only stigmatises the problem even more. We're adults and we have a job to do, so let's start calling things by their name and then do something to make the situation better. Calling that kid "special" only worsens the situation.

Our society needs to evolve and take the blindfold off. Every kid has different needs, and putting kids with Down Syndrome or Asperger Syndrome or Autism on the "special" box doesn't help anybody. We need to know what we're dealing with to act on it. And we need to be able to talk about it like grown-ups instead of disguising it.

At least, that's how I see it. Let me know what you think!

Also, did you watch any of the youtubers I recommended? Did you enjoy them?

A big big hug,


Acqua

Happy, Happy, Happy

Do you know those days in which you are just exhaling hapiness? It's like you flow instead of walking. Like you fly instead of running. It's when you cry because laughter doesn't seem good enough to express what you're feeling.

Today has been one of those days and, honestly, I hadn't had one of these in a while. This Summer has started as a rollercoaster of emotions, from worryingly anxious and sad to happy. But not this. The truth is... I had forgotten how it felt.

I had two of my dearest friends whom I hadn't seen for some months visiting me in my house for the first time, and I introduced them to my closest friends home. We genuinely had the best afternoon. I walked them around the village. We played Dixit, which is one of my favourite games. Everybody clicked with each other as if they had been friends forever. Nobody was meant to stay for dinner, but we kept inviting people until they all said yes. We watched bits of our local production of A Fiddler On The Roof, we talked, we laughed... and we just had a great day honestly.

I don't know if this is relevant to you, but I'd really, really like it if you all could feel the way I feel right now. I know it won't last, and I genuinely think that's okay, but it's like I could do anything, like everything that troubled me is not as important as it was before. All my worries are still here, but they are not on the front row anymore.

These days remind you that even if you might not be in your finest hour, this is not how it's supposed to be all the time. You're not doomed to a life of sadness and worry. You can be happy too. And what's more important, you deserve to be happy. You are entitled to happiness, and even though you might think your life is going to be grey forever, you'll have one of these days. And then you'll cry, because you'll remember how it feels to be loved and cherished, and you'll just be able to be yourself even if you have no clue what that means.

I don't have the slightest idea of who I am, but I'm 100% sure I was myself this afternoon. That's one of the most wonderful things in the world.

Have the best weekend and I'll see you on Monday!

A big big hug,


Acqua

Looking Back | 50TH POST!!!

Hello lovelies! How are you today? I'm really, really excited for this post because I'll have the chance to evaluate these past months since I decided to start a blog, something that has changed my life quite a lot. We're celebrating that this is my 50th post, that I just got my 3999th view AND that I just got 50 followers on Bloglovin! I know many people have more, but it's a great deal for me and I can't thank you enough. And today, on this 50th post, I wanted to share my thoughts with you, and I'll do it by giving awards to different categories! You'll see how it goes :) Enjoy!

My favourite post
This one is really hard for me. I feel like my favourite posts are the most heartfelt ones, and even after almost six months, I think I would go back to Little Me as my number one favourite (gosh, I've just reread it and I'm crying so much.) It was such an important post for me and I think it explains a lot of who I am, I poured it all into those words. Those early posts, when I had no clue what blogging was about and just wrote about whatever felt important, are all among my favourites. The second place would definitely be for QOTW #6 (Down Syndrome Day). Special mentions to Blank Pages, My Blessing, QOTW #1 (The Sun Will Rise) and QOTW #5 (Being Light).

My least favourite post
QOTW #9 Short Wisdom is THE LAZIEST post I've ever written. I was just too tired, so I gathered small quotes I liked and added pictures for all of them. I keep thinking I could have focused on a quote or two and write some thoughts about them. Maybe it would have taken me as long as gathering the quotes did, and the post would have something mine. Maybe that's what I regret the most. All my posts have like a print of myself, and that one doesn't.

Best thing about being anonymous
You can write ANYTHING you want. "Oh, I can't say this because my friend who reads it will know who I'm making a reference to and..." no. It's like a fresh start. And this freedom makes you take it more seriously. People here are getting to know you from scratch, so you better work hard for them. It's not like I hide who I am really, because if someone who knew me stumbled upon this blog they would absolutely know it's me, and I don't care that much to be honest. But right now... I'm loving being anonymous :) And if you wonder, I've told some people I write a blog, but I haven't told the name to anybody.

Worst thing about being anonymous
When something exciting happens, like when you get an incredibly nice comment, you can't share it with your friends or acquaintances. You feel like you want to say "Look how nice and awesome this person is!", but you can't. It's okay though.

Most mindblowing thing
THE WORLDWIDE REACH. It just... it's unbelievable to me! People from maybe 50 countries have read my words and that is craaaaaaaazy. When I had readers from 7 different countries I printed a blank world map and started to paint a country every time I had someone reading my blog from there. And look at this beauty. (1- I haven't finished the outline of the sea, I knoooow! 2- If you don't see your country coloured PLEASE let me know!)

It keeps getting more and more coloured. Shoutout to the 10 countries I get the most reads from, in the following order:
-US
-Spain
-UK
-Australia
-Philippines
-New Zealand
-Taiwan
-Poland
-Canada
-Bahrain

Most nervewrecking thing
When I'm about to post something really personal or my opinion on a controversial topic. You always feel vulnerable and exposed, right? It's okay though, because you're the best and are always so supportive :)

Most exciting thing
When I read certain comments, mainly on said personal or controversial posts and see people get what I'm trying to say 100%. Have I already said you're the best?

Most curious thing
It's always curious to see your reactions to certain posts. My beauty posts are usually the ones with the most views and comments, but the ones with the most saves and +1 on google are the thoughts ones, such as the quotes of the week. I sometimes think maybe there are too many quotes and you'll get bored, but then I see that even though not so many people find it interesting, they really help and they're really embraced by those who do. Something else that's really curious as well is how Easy and Happy, which is one of the most read posts, only has 4 comments (and 2 are mine!)

My favourite thing about blogging
It has to be all the people I interact with. You guys are the reason for what I do. Reading your posts, commenting on them, reading and answering your comments, taking what you say into consideration, emailing some of you... this is something undeniably awesome. Thank you, thank you and thank you for sharing this ride with me.

My least favourite thing about blogging
When I'm busy, posts and comments I owe keep piling up and they might become a burden. I want to comment on all of your posts and I carry the weight of my conscience until I do! I feel like I might put too much pressure on myself because of that.

Advice I would give to bloggers
Just have fun with it. Don't get too worried and pour your soul into your blog. If you're honest and natural, you'll find people who will connect to you. Write about what is important to you. Don't worry about the views. Interact with others, don't forget about people who comment on your blog and comment back. Just enjoy the ride alongside the people who are willing to take it with you :)

Thank you, all of you, for these past months. Blogging has become something key to my life and I feel like I've grown so much. I'd love to know your opinion on what you'd like to see for the following 50 posts and all the posts that come. What posts have been your favourites and you would like to keep reading. Just your general opinion!

I'll see you on Friday. Until then...

A big big hug,


Acqua

Letting Go Of What Never Was

And I say goodbye to everything we could have been.

Sometimes, people, or situations, or moments that we yearn for are long gone, and it just takes us a little longer to get used to the idea. We create a future in our heads, everything that could happen, and fall in love with that future. We fall in love with every single detail, we imagine the good and the bad it will bring, just to believe it will eventually happen.

But sometimes, this future was never meant to be. We just don't want to accept it.

So we keep on waiting for that future to come, until our brain finally accepts what had been in our subconscience for a long time: it's never going to happen. And we cry, not only because of that particular thing we wanted, but because of what we hoped it would bring, this life only in our heads. We grieve that lost life.

It's really, really hard. We write songs about it, we write it down, we think it through, and we listen to music to make us feel we are not alone.

Then, finally, we let go. We accept it's not part of our future and let it go. We feel nostalgic, sad, a little empty... and relieved, and free. Because when we let go we see all the new possibilities that lie ahead. And start creating a new future.

We know it could have been beautiful. That's our blessing and our course at the same time. But we can't help it.

Unfinished stories are quite bad, but even though unstarted ones may be even worse, there's a beauty in them. There's this hope we created. There's this memory of something that never happened. This beautiful paradox.

As Éponine says... Why regret what could not be?

A big big hug,


Acqua

QOTW #13: Let's Get Political

First of all, let me say sorry because of this post. I know it's not the kind of post I usually write, but I really need to get this out of my system and I swear I'll try to make it entertaining for everybody.

The quote is funny and everything, but it talks about something that I really think is true. My older readers will know I live in Spain, and we had the Presidential Elections yesterday, Sunday 26th of June. If you watch the news they said it in some countries, but the thing is the ones who won were the ones already in power and I DO. NOT. GET. IT.

First of all, these were the second elections we had, because after the result 6 months ago the politicians just couldn't agree to form a government so we were sent to new elections. The ones who won have completely failed to run the country on the 6 months they've been the temporary government. They've done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Furthermore, the amount of corruption cases of that particular party is ridiculous. They've been involved on the most scandalous stuff and 1) The main media of the country have blatantly hidden it and 2) They haven't even apologised, let alone resign from their job. An audio tape has been leaked where the Interior Minister has admitted how they have fucked up completely the healthcare in Catalonia, the region I live in, and he doesn't even deny it. Or apologise. He's just so mad because it was a private conversation between two polticians and it was part of their job, why is everybody going so crazy over it? They have some important people from the party in jail. They are extremely right-wing and conservative, completely old-fashioned and closed to change (luckily my vocabulary in English is not wide enough to say everything I'd want to...)

And finally, the head of the party. He can't even speak. He just babbles stuff that makes no sense whatsoever. His best quote to date has been "The Spanish people, very Spanish and a lot Spanish!", something along these lines. If he can't even speak Spanish... other languages are out of question. It's so shaming that he represents Spain internationally when he can't utter a word in English. It's like when we were in high school and we voted for the most stupid one just for the laughs.

In other words, this party has been destroying the country for four years and six months, and MORE PEOPLE HAVE VOTED FOR THEM. MORE. It's not like they're still the biggest force but they're falling behind, which would be atrocious but acceptable. They went up. And they're just laughing at our faces while the people they have destroyed vote for them. It's so bad.

I swear, if Spanish people were dinosaurs, they would vote for the asteroid.

The way so many people are going to the extreme right-wing all over the world, even with evidence like the one we have in Spain about corruption, is scaring me. Mostly, it is a vote of hatred. Hatred to new things, to opening up and accepting everybody. It means closing in an age where it's about opening. With globalisation, people get scared, I guess. It's such a great opportunity and I'm really excited about the challenges it means. But they don't want to take the opportunity. They just want to lock up in their own world getting what they need and not worrying about the needs of others. I just hate it.

Okay, I think that's enough for today. I'm quite discouraged... things won't change if people don't want them to. But we'll keep fighting. What other option do we have?

A big big hug,


Acqua

Crepes and Ice Cream

I remember seeing you when I left the building. I remember there was a crowd of thousands of people, but I still saw you as clearly as if you were the only one there; at least, that's how it felt. I remember we started to walk, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.
When we got to our destination, you decided you wanted to eat and sat down on a bench. Then, shyly, you looked up and patted the surface next to you so I would sit down there. I remember it all, but the thing I remember the most is the look in your eyes when you did that. I might have blushed a little bit, but it was so endearing, so simple, so you.
I remember we went into the workshop and we sat silently next to each other. We took a selfie. I still have it on my phone. I remember that, when we had to turn around and look back, I moved a little bit closer to you, and you didn't move away. I felt that it was exactly my place. I felt like I belonged there as I'd never felt I belonged anywhere.
We left the workshop and still had time, so we found a place where we bought something to eat. It was December, so you ordered a hot chocolate crepe. But it was an unusually hot December, so I ordered an ice cream. Hot and cold. Somehow, that was the perfect depiction of how we were: really different, but coming from the same place after all.
We sat down on a hidden park bench and started to talk. The conversation flowed easily. There were no walls, there has never been any wall when it comes to you. I remember that, whenever I talked, you looked at me. You didn't just listen to me without paying attention, you were hearing every single word, and it felt like... like you saw me. You saw who I actually was, which is something not even I know. It was intimidating, because no one had ever paid attention to me that way before.
And we talked about that book we have in common, remember? That book that such few people have read and we both love so much. To some it could seem unimportant, but it was so crucial to us. That book explained something that was in both our souls. And we understood it.
After all this time, that's what I remember the most. That afternoon when I sat next to you and we ate a crepe and an ice cream. Still today, it's one of my most precious moments.


A big big hug,

Acqua

Growing Up

Growing up is something I said I never wanted to do, and yet here I am. I've changed so much and still have so much to learn.

It's weird to me how things are when you see them from another perspective. How something that seemed the end of the world is just a funny story of how worried I could get, or how something that wasn't special at that moment stands out now.

One of the things I've realised is how you stop being on the extreme of things. When you're younger, you are always the most whatever of the place, and later it's like you've softened on the edges. Or maybe you're still as rough, but you see that there are other people more on the extreme. And suddenly, you're not the smartest in the room. You're not the weirdest anymore. You're not the most innocent. You're not the one who reads the most. You're still smart, and weird, and innocent, and read a lot, but there are always people who are further on the end.

At the beginning I kinda lost myself. I somehow hated to feel that different, but at the same time, knowing I was all those things was reassuring. It was like I knew who I was all the time. I knew my place, I knew what to expect from life. And then, I wasn't that anymore.

If I wasn't the smartest, or the weirdest, or the one who read the most... then, who was I?

Those thoughts scared me to death, and they still do. People keep telling me I have to show myself instead of pretending to be someone else, and I try, but then I think... If I don't know who I am, how am I going to show it?

I can clearly say who the 14-year-old me was, as if it were a different person. Maybe this difference is what allows me to describe her.

I think we never stop growing up, and yet we never stop being children if we don't want to. We can still see the beauty in things, look at life as if everything was brand new and, at the same time, have this extra knowledge that comes with time and lets us see how we don't know anything at all. Putting things into perspective. That's what it's all about.

Let me know if you have any questions for me, because I'll be doing a Q&A next Friday! Until then...

A big big hug!


Acqua

Offline Me

Hi there! I come a bit later than usual today, I'm sorry!

Some weeks ago, Ella (ellacrabb.blogspot.com) made a post about the differences about how she is on her blog and on her "real" life, and she invited everybody to write a post about it. I thought it to be so interesting! That's why I'm here today, to introduce you the offline Acqua.

When you meet me for the first time, you'll tend to think that I'm really extroverted, because I talk a lot, but what I am when I meet new people is terrified! With the years I've learned to enjoy it, but even though I'll talk a lot, you'll only get the surface. I'll tell you about the activities I'm involved with, my hobbies... but never anything too deep or personal.

People who know me a little bit tend to think I'm distant. That's because I never know how to act in front of them, I kinda find it easier with people I don't know at all. If I know you a little bit but it hasn't been a long time since we met, if I like you and trust you, I'll just let go random pieces of quite personal information as if it weren't important. That's my way of telling you I trust you haaha

People who know me a lot still won't know everything about me. I never tell everything to the same person. And I think that's gonna continue for many years to come.

The word I think describes me the best is "contradiction". As you've seen, I can be both really extroverted and really shy. I'm also pretty logical, but really imaginative. I'm down-to-earth but I'm on the clouds. I can change a lot depending on the situation, and here comes one of my most characteristical features: I like being in control of things.

That doesn't mean I have to boss around. No, it means that if the situation I'm in is out of my comfort zone and I can't control it, I'll get really anxious and overwhelmed. I think that's why I change so much. I adapt to the situation so I won't freak out.

The image people have of me is this girl who's literally EVERYWHERE. She's involved with everything, and she loves being busy all the time. People trust me because I'm everywhere, apparently.

The image other people have of me is that I'm intelligent. I don't want to show off, of course! But  I've always gotten great marks. I think I get things quickly, and I know how to get things done, so I've found what works for me when I'm studying. And to me, that's the key for a good mark. Knowing your strategies!

I couldn't leave my favourite things out of this. You all know them, but I'll list them anyway. Writing and reading make me who I am. I've been studying music since I was 5, and it's a huge part of my life. When I like something, I really really like it. And working with kids is connected to my whole being.

That's it, I think. Until Monday...

A big big hug!


Acqua

Stories

Hi there guys! I feel like I haven’t written a post about my thoughts in ages, and I really felt like it today.

You all know I love stories. From books, to movies, to TV series, to musicals… I love to get invested with the characters, to see their evolution, to see what happens to them. I love a good story more than anything.

I’ve wanted to be a writer for God knows how long. I wrote my first story when I was three; I’ve lost it now, but I remember it being an adventure for the main characters on one of my favourite cartoons back then (so I was already writing fanfiction, I’ve never thought of it like that!). I have these amazing ideas for novels that I plan… and then I get bored with them. I just plain abandon them and move on to the next one.

I love writing, but the thing I like the most is the creation process. You get the characters, you give them personalities, relationships, struggles, good memories, bad memories… you give them a story, in the end. And then you mix all those stories and create that complicated network, and you can see it in your head, and new ideas come to your mind as if they were always meant to be, and you just see where everything’s going. And it’s amazing.

But not everything is wonderful, and you all know that the good things always come with the bad things. I just make a story out of everything. I meet or just see someone and I imagine this story in my head, I imagine myself becoming friends with them, us having adventures… and okay, I know this isn’t that bad, but the problem comes when I don’t see someone in a long time and I create this picture in my head of how they are. And then I see them again and I realise they’re not at all what I thought them to be. That’s because I made up a character, forgetting the person. Of course, this is not the worst thing in the world, but it can be problematic and I try to stop doing it. I guess that’s the curse of all the people who love stories. We make a story out of everything!

This love for writing and stories brought me here. I feel like I’ve changed SO much in the two months I’ve been writing this blog! I’ve made some amazing friends, my English has gotten so much better (hey, some English natives told me they thought I was a native too and it made me really happy!), I’ve been able to express a lot… This is my 20th post, and I have now over 1600 views, which is insane. And sometimes I still wonder what makes a post better or worse, why some of them have more views than the others. For example, Easy and Happy, which you can see is my second most read post [update: third now, but still], only has 4 comments! And it still has a lot of views. Sometimes I feel like clicking on my favourite posts so they will have more views and will climb on the list (like Little Me, it’s fadiiiing!), but I never do, because in the end, you’re the ones who decide :) I don’t know, do you ever think about it too? I want to take this opportunity to thank you SO MUCH because my last post had 29 COMMENTS and a lot of views! I went bonkers when I saw all those comments popping up hahaha Thank you so so much!

But we’re getting off the rails, so back to the stories. I guess what happens when I make up stories and situations is just my imagination working. I guess I love stories so much I try to become one.

And as someone very wise once said… (props to you if you get the reference!) “We are all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one!”

If my life has been a story, it surely has had its ups and downs, but it’s been a hell of an amazing story :) And if you feel like yours hasn’t been good all the time, just keep swimming. I swear there is a bright future waiting for you!

A big big hug!


Acqua