Growing up is something I said I never wanted to do, and yet here I am. I've changed so much and still have so much to learn.
It's weird to me how things are when you see them from another perspective. How something that seemed the end of the world is just a funny story of how worried I could get, or how something that wasn't special at that moment stands out now.
One of the things I've realised is how you stop being on the extreme of things. When you're younger, you are always the most whatever of the place, and later it's like you've softened on the edges. Or maybe you're still as rough, but you see that there are other people more on the extreme. And suddenly, you're not the smartest in the room. You're not the weirdest anymore. You're not the most innocent. You're not the one who reads the most. You're still smart, and weird, and innocent, and read a lot, but there are always people who are further on the end.
At the beginning I kinda lost myself. I somehow hated to feel that different, but at the same time, knowing I was all those things was reassuring. It was like I knew who I was all the time. I knew my place, I knew what to expect from life. And then, I wasn't that anymore.
If I wasn't the smartest, or the weirdest, or the one who read the most... then, who was I?
Those thoughts scared me to death, and they still do. People keep telling me I have to show myself instead of pretending to be someone else, and I try, but then I think... If I don't know who I am, how am I going to show it?
I can clearly say who the 14-year-old me was, as if it were a different person. Maybe this difference is what allows me to describe her.
I think we never stop growing up, and yet we never stop being children if we don't want to. We can still see the beauty in things, look at life as if everything was brand new and, at the same time, have this extra knowledge that comes with time and lets us see how we don't know anything at all. Putting things into perspective. That's what it's all about.
Let me know if you have any questions for me, because I'll be doing a Q&A next Friday! Until then...
A big big hug!