Monday, 19 September 2016

My Summer Goals Recap: Did I Reach Them?

Hi guys! I did a post at the beginning of this Summer telling you the goals I wanted to reach, and I think it can be good to write a review to see if I reached them!

1- Take care of my garden
This was my main goal for the Summer and I can tell you I did it! The weeds that filled my garden were taken away and burned, and after many hours of work, it was empty and ready for many activities that we eventually did!

2- Host dinners with my friends
This is a tricky one, because I did host some dinners but not as many as I would've liked. I can always keep trying, Summer or Winter! :)

3- Not get stressed out from my many jobs
I worked on a Summer school during the mornings and had several English and Violin students to teach in the afternoon... so it was easy to get stressed out! I loved every second of my jobs, to be honest. I was happy it was Monday again and I could go to work, because I thoroughly enjoyed it. I got tired but I was always happy because I liked what I was doing. So goal achieved!

4- Go to the swimming pool often
I did go to the swimming pool almost every day, even though I didn't really exercise a lot. But hey, I achieved my goal. Tick!

5- Deal with a certain person better
"You know me. It's really hard for me to hate someone. But there's a girl that just has the power to make me mad every time she opens her mouth. I don't like how she treats children, I don't like how she treats me and I don't like how she treats her friends. She's always acting as if she was the only one who does every single thing right and doesn't have any concept of responsibility or commitment. She just has a really negative aura and I find myself falling into negativity when I'm around her."
That's what I said on my first post and I stand by it. However... I managed to avoid the negativity and actually saw how more people noticed it and she was kind of left alone during the Summer camp we shared. She even tried to summon me to her side! It was so weird after how she's treated me these years. I hope she'll reflect on her attitude and she will be nicer towards people. I'd really like that because I wish I could like her and enjoy working with her.

6- Improve my Italian
I practiced Italian during my holidays and brought back some books to keep the level... so done!

Overall, I think I did good! It hasn't been an easy Summer, but I was very serious about what I wanted to do and I feel like I've shown myself that I can do it. I think I'll write down some goals for Autumn, it's easier to get them done if you put them into words!

Did you have any goals this Summer? How did they go?

A big big hug,


Monday, 12 September 2016

QOTW #15: The Aftermath

I feel like I need to talk a little bit about last Saturday's post and then put an end to this topic, for now. As the quote says, everything we do has an aftermath, and it can be loads of things. This time, I took a big chance by writing that post, and I've had quite a good aftermath.

I've learned that it's okay to talk about things, that they don't need to stay silent or concealed just for some to see. I've learned that opening up can free you further than you thought it would. I've learned that talking is important, because it keeps the conversation going. Maybe I'm just a small engine. But the machine keeps working and working.

I went on to write that post without having planned it in advance, I actually had a different post ready. I didn't think about it a lot, I just wrote. And I waited a little to post it, mostly because 1) I was waiting for more people to read my previous post and 2) I was really, reaaaaaally scared. Then, I did it. And for a while, although there was just one comment, the views went up and up and there were some +1s on Google+.

I want to thank you all for your lovely comments, especially Jolien Nathalie for giving me the courage and Beth May for her amazing reaction towards the post. I want to thank those who related and those who didn't. You all had an amazing response and I couldn't be happier about it.

We have a lot of choices. We choose every day who we want to be next, what we want to do. Our life is full of those moments in which we decide. Some of these choices are big, and some are small. But they all have an aftermath, they all have consequences. And that's an overlooked part, sometimes.

So I invite you to tell your story. We all have one. And they all are worth being told.

A big big hug,


Saturday, 10 September 2016

I didn't want to live | #WorldSuicidePreventionDay

The thought of this post scares me to my spine. I'm really, really frightened about writing this, but I feel like it might help someone... and it was about time I told my story.

I don't have any problem with telling I had anxiety, depression and social phobia. I can admit it openly, I'm just vague about it. What I keep extremely hidden are the details, just like the fact I wanted to commit suicide. Less than a handful of people knew it. Until now.

First of all, I want to give a shoutout to Jolien Nathalie, because she opened about her experience with depression and suicide and she inspired me to write this post. Go over to her blog because she's amazing!

Okay, let's get to it. I was 8 the first time someone bullied me. I was a bit too smart and a bit too nice and ingenuous for others not to use this against me. This situation got bigger and bigger and I was left alone for three years. Then, I left elementary school and started high school on a different place than my former classmates, so I was ready to start again.

Only I couldn't because I got bullied again. I got bullied on high school. I got bullied on the Summer sports camp. I got bullied on my extracurricular activities. Wherever I went, I didn't fit in. I thought everybody hated me, and what's worst, I thought I deserved it. By the time I turned 14, I was deep into a depression and social phobia from which I couldn't escape.

I was so sure something inside me was rotten and wrong and I wasn't enough that I started to feed on those thoughts. The first time the idea of stopping it all came to my mind, I pushed it aside as quickly as I could. But it kept coming and it became stronger and stronger every time. A month after turning 15, I was on holidays in Italy and felt really attacked by my family, and I just felt like it was really wrong that I was alive. I ran away from them and found the worst thing I could have found: a balcony. I looked down and knew that, if I jumped, it would all be over.

The thing is... I didn't want to die. I just didn't want to live any more. When you're at that point, you become your pain. And everything you want is for the pain to stop because you just can't handle it any more.

There I was, looking desperately for a reason not to jump and not finding any. Until a face came to my mind. I told you a long time ago I owe a lot to my best friend, who has Down Syndrome, and it's true. I literally owe her my life. When I saw her face, I stepped back and knew my life had produced something good. I knew I was good for her. I was enough because she thought I was. So I stepped back and I cried.

Since that moment, I've fallen into depression again. Two years later anxiety paid a visit and hasn't gone away completely. I've self-harmed. I've cried. I've seen people commit suicide and I've seen people try and fail. I've had highs and lows, but I've never come that close to killing myself because I know I mustn't.

What do I do on those low moments? I fill a list. I write down all the things I would have missed if I had died on that day. I wouldn't have seen my brother and sister blossom. I wouldn't have read books and watched TV series and movies that struck me as they did. I wouldn't have found my beliefs. I wouldn't have known who once was my best guy friend.

I wouldn't have written as much as I have.

I wouldn't have worked with children and received the love and happiness that has come from it.

I swear... it hasn't been light-hearted, it hasn't been easy, but it has been a hell of a ride and I wouldn't change the things on that list for the world. Life hurts, but somehow, I've fallen in love with it. If I have done so much in six years... just imagine what the years to come could bring me.

So if you're going through something similar, I have some things to tell you.

Hold on. Have hope. Trust me on this: you'll do so much. There's a blank page ahead of you and you decide what to fill it with. You'll cry. You'll laugh. You are enough. You deserve to be happy.

It's not your fault. It's not your fault. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

A big big hug,


Tuesday, 6 September 2016

Summer Favourites!

Hi there lovely people! How are you today?

Given that I was out at the beginning of August I didn't do a July Favourites, so I'll try to fit them all into a Summer Favourites post! I'll try to narrow it down because otherwise it will get too long!

-Herbalism face cleanser from LUSH
I wrote a review on this product and I'm seriously in love with it. It's really hard for me to keep a routine, to be honest, and since I started using this cleanser I've noticed a change so big that it has motivated me to use a cleanser, toner and moisturiser every morning and evening on my face (which I have NEVER managed to do.) It's even more perfect now that it's really hot (honestly, how are we at 35ºC on September?) and my face gets oily really quickly. I really, really recommend it!

-Evolu Protective Day Cream SPF15
Another part of my daily routine and I absolutely love it! I've talked about this one as well because it's the face cream I received from Rosie for her giveaway. A little goes a long way and it doesn't leave your skin feeling greasy at all! I use both these products along with the LUSH Tea Tree Water toner and my face looks honestly better than ever.

-Bonté Spring Water body mist
Refreshing, affordable, long-lasting... there's nothing to complain about. I have to go to the store to find a new scent when Autumn comes!

-Bonté Waterproof Eye Makeup Remover
I always had trouble with taking away my mascara with Bonté's Cleansing Milk and I honestly found the solution with this product. My mascara goes away SO quickly and it doesn't hurt my eyes at all!

-Essence Lash Princess volume mascara 
Loving Essence as much as I do, it was about time I bought this mascara, which is pretty much everyone's favourite from Essence. The brush is a little weird and at the beginning I didn't use it well so it didn't work that much, but when I got the hang of it looked great on me and left my lashes with a lot more volume. Also... the packaging is stunning!

-Essence All About Matt! Oil Control Paper
As I said, it has been a really hot Summer, and these have helped a lot when my face was feeling too oily and I was wearing makeup. You only have to pat them on your face and they absorbe the excess oil without messing up your makeup!

-All The Bright Places, by Jennifer Niven
I have read a good amount of books this Summer, and this one definitely stands out from the others. As someone who's dealt with mental illness for many years, I can say this is one of the best pictures of teenage depression I've found in a book. I strongly recommend it to everybody and I can't be grateful enough for Zoella to have recommended it!

-Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen
I love me some Jane Austen and, funnily enough, I hadn't read her most famous work in the original version. It's still tricky to read a 200-year-old non-native language, but I've managed way better than I did when I read Emma last January! There's definitely a reason these books keep being published and printed and they have an undeniable quality.

-Sara Bareilles (especially her musical, Waitress
I've gotten into her music a lot recently, and it's weird because Gravity is one of my favourite songs and still I hadn't heard more music from hers! I discovered Waitress some months ago and I loved it the first listen (you NEED to listen to She Used To Be Mine, it's brilliant). Recently I've been listening to it non-stop! She has such a gift and the concert she did, which is fully uploaded on youtube, is the funniest one I've ever seen.

That's it! I hope you have a lovely day and your September isn't too tough!

A big big hug,


Saturday, 3 September 2016

Blogger Recognition Award

Hi guys! This Summer I've been nominated twice for the Blogger Recognition Award by the amazing ItsElla and girlonrainbow! I'm so excited and thankful for the nomination :) Thanks girls!

Here are the rules:
  1. Write a post to show your award.
  2. Acknowledge the blogger that nominated you.
  3. Give a brief story about how you got started blogging.
  4. Give two pieces of advice for new bloggers.
  5. Nominate 15 bloggers for the award.

How I started blogging

I'd been writing my Harry Potter fanfiction saga for 8 years intermittently and it finished at the beginning of January 2016. I missed writing and sharing my words so much! Then, I read Girl Online and Girl Online 2 and it gave me the idea of starting a blog. Since I finished my fanfiction, it took me less than a month to look for a page and create my blog, I just couldn't help it hahaha I started it without ever having followed a blog before and I had no clue what blogging was about, to be honest, but you figure it out with time!

Two pieces of advice

1- WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE. Of course, you never have to forget that you have readers because it's thanks to them that you can keep sharing your words, but don't think that you have to write a certain thing for them to follow you. I've been really surprised with the response to posts I really liked but thought nobody else would. When you write about what you're invested in, that's when you write your best and people notice it.

2- Be considerate towards your followers and never, never take them for granted. It's really sad to see that someone you follow, and whose blog you always comment on, never comments back. Of course you might be extra busy during your exams or holidays, but you have to appreciate them and show your appreciation, because we're all a community and we support each other :)

That's it! I nominate Beth May, Lily Mae, My Life As Marina, Laura from Blossomofhope, Iris, Amy Rose, Leigh, Rosie, Izzy from ThePastelStyle, Marti, hp20508, Jess from wellwellgirls, sweetreats, Frances and Ambi!

I hope you liked this post! I can't wait to see all your award posts!

A big big hug,