I didn't want to live | #WorldSuicidePreventionDay

The thought of this post scares me to my spine. I'm really, really frightened about writing this, but I feel like it might help someone... and it was about time I told my story.

I don't have any problem with telling I had anxiety, depression and social phobia. I can admit it openly, I'm just vague about it. What I keep extremely hidden are the details, just like the fact I wanted to commit suicide. Less than a handful of people knew it. Until now.

First of all, I want to give a shoutout to Jolien Nathalie, because she opened about her experience with depression and suicide and she inspired me to write this post. Go over to her blog because she's amazing!

Okay, let's get to it. I was 8 the first time someone bullied me. I was a bit too smart and a bit too nice and ingenuous for others not to use this against me. This situation got bigger and bigger and I was left alone for three years. Then, I left elementary school and started high school on a different place than my former classmates, so I was ready to start again.

Only I couldn't because I got bullied again. I got bullied on high school. I got bullied on the Summer sports camp. I got bullied on my extracurricular activities. Wherever I went, I didn't fit in. I thought everybody hated me, and what's worst, I thought I deserved it. By the time I turned 14, I was deep into a depression and social phobia from which I couldn't escape.

I was so sure something inside me was rotten and wrong and I wasn't enough that I started to feed on those thoughts. The first time the idea of stopping it all came to my mind, I pushed it aside as quickly as I could. But it kept coming and it became stronger and stronger every time. A month after turning 15, I was on holidays in Italy and felt really attacked by my family, and I just felt like it was really wrong that I was alive. I ran away from them and found the worst thing I could have found: a balcony. I looked down and knew that, if I jumped, it would all be over.

The thing is... I didn't want to die. I just didn't want to live any more. When you're at that point, you become your pain. And everything you want is for the pain to stop because you just can't handle it any more.

There I was, looking desperately for a reason not to jump and not finding any. Until a face came to my mind. I told you a long time ago I owe a lot to my best friend, who has Down Syndrome, and it's true. I literally owe her my life. When I saw her face, I stepped back and knew my life had produced something good. I knew I was good for her. I was enough because she thought I was. So I stepped back and I cried.

Since that moment, I've fallen into depression again. Two years later anxiety paid a visit and hasn't gone away completely. I've self-harmed. I've cried. I've seen people commit suicide and I've seen people try and fail. I've had highs and lows, but I've never come that close to killing myself because I know I mustn't.

What do I do on those low moments? I fill a list. I write down all the things I would have missed if I had died on that day. I wouldn't have seen my brother and sister blossom. I wouldn't have read books and watched TV series and movies that struck me as they did. I wouldn't have found my beliefs. I wouldn't have known who once was my best guy friend.

I wouldn't have written as much as I have.

I wouldn't have worked with children and received the love and happiness that has come from it.

I swear... it hasn't been light-hearted, it hasn't been easy, but it has been a hell of a ride and I wouldn't change the things on that list for the world. Life hurts, but somehow, I've fallen in love with it. If I have done so much in six years... just imagine what the years to come could bring me.

So if you're going through something similar, I have some things to tell you.

Hold on. Have hope. Trust me on this: you'll do so much. There's a blank page ahead of you and you decide what to fill it with. You'll cry. You'll laugh. You are enough. You deserve to be happy.

It's not your fault. It's not your fault. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

A big big hug,


Acqua

Day In The Life: My Holidays in Italy!

Hi guys! I know I owe you an apology... On the 19th, I was about to save all my pictures on my laptop, choose my favourites and share them with you here and... well, to sum up, I messed up and deleted them all. I haven't been able to recover them, and I had only saved pictures from the 13th, 14th and 15th. Imagine how desperate I got... I was obsessed with those pictures and they were gone in a second. I couldn't bring myself to write a blog post until now.

I posted a few on Instagram, so those were easily recovered and I can do a full post. Without any further ado, here's how my trip to Italy went down!


Day 1: 13th of August

We packed up the car and left my house at 2 AM as we always do, my dad drives and the rest of us sleep. We drove all night long and stopped at the last service station in France, from which we could see Monaco! We had breakfast and jumped at the car again, and drove non-stop until we got to our first stop: Pisa! Here's a selection of pictures I took there:

Pisa is such a great place to visit on your way to someplace else! Everything is concentrated and you can park, see it and leave in just a couple of hours. We had lunch there as well, and we visted the Cathedral and the Baptisterium (and took our pictures with the leaning tower, of course!)

Then, we kept on driving until we got to the Umbria region, where we were to stay on the follwig days. We got there at night, had dinner and organised everything for the following week.


Day 2: 14th of August

Tired of our trip, we woke up late, had breakfast and went to the commercial center right next to our village, which had a huge supermarket where we could buy everything we needed. Imagine my delight when we walked in and BOOM! LUSH store right there! Who would've thought I'd find one in such a small village? I was running out of LUSH products and didn't know when I'd go back to Barcelona to buy more, so it was heaven-sent. We went into the supermarket and second surprise:

Of course, I bought it and read it in a day. In the afternoon, we went to Santa Maria degli Angeli, a church situated in Assisi's feet. Inside, there is the Porziuncola, a small chapel where St Francis of Assisi used to go. They built a huge cathedral over it because why not hahaha

I couldn't take pictures of the inside, but it was stunning!

Then, we headed to Assisi, which was our main destination for the trip, to walk around a little bit and saw the top of the city. It was BEAUTIFUL. It still has an awesome medieval feel about it, with its streets and houses. I absolutely loved it.

St Francis Basilique from our car

San Rufino

Assisi at sunset

Then, we headed back to Santa Maria degli Angeli, where they burn the prayers that people leave over the whole year on that day (total coincidence, we didn't plan it!) It was beautiful!

Day 3: 15th of August

MY BIRTHDAY WHOOP WHOOP! We jumped on the car and went North to get a taste of the Tuscany region. We visited Volterra, San Gimignano and Siena, and then went back to where we were staying.

Cathedral of Volterra

Streets of Volterra

Volterra

Siena

Cathedral of Siena

Streets of Siena

 

San Domenico, in Siena

Day 4: 16th of August

We went to Eremo degli Carceri, a beautiful walk through the mountains where Saint Francis used to retire. There was a small chapel and some small caves. In the afternoon, we met a friend of my mum's from the area and visited the rest of Assisi, including Santa Chiara and the Basilique of San Francesco.

San Francesco

Day 5: 17th of August

We jumped into the car again and went to visit Orvieto, a beautiful place which has an underground city, a lot of caves dug by humans since the VIIth Century b.c.! It was a very cool visit. Then we went to Todi, another city with a beautiful view over the countryside.

Details from the Cathedral of Orvieto

Day 6: 18th of August

Given that it was our last day in the Umbria region, we went to San Damiano and La Rocca, a fortress situated on top of Assisi which was ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. You could see the whole area from there, and there were still parts from the XIIIth Century standing. You could perfectly imagine people from the Medieval times walking around. These pictures are the ones I dread deleting the most... they were absolutely beautiful!

 Also, that's the day I went to LUSH to get my self-gift for my birthday! It was confusing because the names were different hahaha Here's what I bought:
- The Comforter bubble bath
- The Experimenter bath bomb
- Yoga Bomb bath bomb
- Lava Lamp bath bomb
- Herbalism face cleanser
- Outback Mate solid soap
- Sympathy For The Skin body cream (sample)


Days 7, 8, 9 and 10: 19th, 20th, 21st and 22nd of August

We jumped on the car and went to another region, the Piamonte. We have some friends there whom we visit very often and always have a place for us to stay. They're the reason I learned Italian! It's a beautiful, beautiful area full of vineyards and fields and mountains. We finally took a rest as we had spent the last days going up and down and hadn't slowed down a moment. On the 22nd, we woke up, packed up and went back home.

I hope you enjoyed this post! Good luck to all those who are going back to school and I'll see you next week!

A big big hug,


Acqua

"Special" People

Hi there guys! How are you? I'm really sorry I've been missing for a while! I was on a Summer Camp working with kids and of course, I couldn't write a post or comment on your blogs. I will start catching up on what you've done these days soon, but there's a big festivity coming in my village and there's just a lot of stuff! My apologies if I can't be as active as I'd want to.

Before starting to talk about the topic I have for this post, I want to share a shocking experience I've had today. I started giving lessons during the Summer when I was 15, and two of the first English students I ever had were two sisters, aged 10 and 7. I taught them English and occasionally French for three Summers, and then the lessons stopped. I haven't seen them since.

Today, I found out the oldest one died from cancer less than a year ago. It has been one of the biggest shocks I've had in my life. She was a year older than my sister. I can remember them playing while I gave lessons to the younger one. I remember she hated English. I remember she asked to do French instead because she liked it better. I remember she was a little spoiled, a little mean. And I remember how she wrote me a letter for Christmas to wish me happy holidays and thank me for my lessons.

I have a heaviness over me I can't let go of. I hadn't seen her for a couple of years, but still... I know this happens every day and people lose people who are closer to them than she was to me, but it's all so unfair. I remember how cheerful the younger sister was. I wonder if she'll ever be that cheerful again.

I just needed to let it off of my chest. Sorry if I'm rambling, but I don't even know how I feel.

Anyhow, let's move to the topic! I've been working with kids for the whole July and the first week of August and there has been something that has bothered me more than anything else (and believe me, lots of unheard things have happened.) In one of my jobs I worked with a kid who had Asperger Syndrome. So far, so good. He is a lovely kid and is a sweetie to work with even if he has his moments.

What bothered me is that I heard more than one of my coworkers call him "special" more than once. Seriously... what the hell???? What he has has a name, it's called Asperger Syndrome. And it's just a problem he deals with every day. But in the end, he's just a kid who wants to have fun and play like all the others. "Oh, he is special" (or talking about his brother) "This kid has a brother who is special."

I MEAN. I think we should be grown enough and call things by their name. To me, every single kid has things that make them special. That's something that I use as a ground to build my work on. And saying that kid is "special" only stigmatises the problem even more. We're adults and we have a job to do, so let's start calling things by their name and then do something to make the situation better. Calling that kid "special" only worsens the situation.

Our society needs to evolve and take the blindfold off. Every kid has different needs, and putting kids with Down Syndrome or Asperger Syndrome or Autism on the "special" box doesn't help anybody. We need to know what we're dealing with to act on it. And we need to be able to talk about it like grown-ups instead of disguising it.

At least, that's how I see it. Let me know what you think!

Also, did you watch any of the youtubers I recommended? Did you enjoy them?

A big big hug,


Acqua

Top 10 Places I Want To Visit

If you know me, you'll know I love traveling (for instance, I plan on visiting Tuscany, Prague and Latvia these following months), and I can't have enough. I do get nervous before and think "maybe I should stay and not get in trouble", but once I'm away I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. It's hard to narrow down the places I want to visit to my top ten, but I think everywhere is worth visiting! In no particular order, here are the 10 places I'd love to visit.

1- Greece
I'm a huge fan of the Ancient Greek culture and I would be delighted to visit Greece. I went to the British Museum the first time I visited London and it all led to the Parthenon statues. I just stood there as if someone had cast a spell on me! I'd visit them all: Athens, Delfos, the islands... and I know it's technically in Turkey, but I have a fascination for Troy as my final project for high school which I spent a year working on was about the Iliad, so I'd love to visit it as well.

2- Israel
I want to learn Hebrew and I'd love to visit Israel as religion is something very important in my life and I would be able to go back to the roots, which I think religion really needs because it has gone off the rails in some cases. I think Israel, although dangerous right now, would be beautiful.

3- Scotland
I LOVE SCOTLAND! I want to see everything: the cities, the green wilderness, the smallest islands, the lakes and, of course, all the Harry Potter nerdy stuff. Being from an area quite different than the rest of its country myself, Scotland does hold a special appeal because I feel identified with them, it has this similarity which I think would make me feel even more comfortable.

4- Ireland
Okay, admission done: I want to see everything in the British Islands! I just love everything there. Ireland seems such an amazing place to visit because of the beautiful nature and beautiful people. Just bring it on!

5- Tuscany
I love Italy. I've seen Rome and I've been to the Piamonte area four or five times. And as a big lover of art, Tuscany just sounds like the perfect place. The landscapes are beautiful and the culture is too. I just can't wait to see it this Summer!

6- Versailles
Here is a place I really, really want to visit. I can't fathom how large that place is. It sounds like such an interesting spot, most importantly, with a lot of stories to tell; and, as you know, stories have always been my weakness! I'd love to see how it's organised and witness how big it is.

7- The Philippines
My love for Lea Salonga brought me to love the Philippines. I plan on learning Tagalog and visiting it one day! The landscapes are among the most beautiful in the world in my opinion, and the people and mixture of cultures add that cultural spice that you need when you visit something. I just can't wait until I can put a foot in there!

8- China 
I've studied Chinese for three years now, and I've had the opportunity to learn about China's culture and the most beautiful spots to visit. Contrarily to most of my classmates, I can't see myself living there, but I'd love to spend some weeks discovering as many things as I can. China is such a gem with so much to offer!

9- India
This is the one I've been the most hesitant about. I have a friend working with children in the streets of Bombay and she's really excited about it, and this is something I'd love to do. Moreover, I think India's art and culture are absolutely stunning, and its diversity mindblowing and really interesting. As with China, I feel like this huge country has a lot of hidden gems I'd love to discover.

10- New York
Musical geek, Broadway bound. You know me. You know Broadway would be a dream come true. I love musical theatre with a passion and now that I've seen three West End shows, it's time to get bigger. And, of course, who wouldn't like to visit New York? For this girl living in a corner of the Mediterranean Sea it would be unbelievably cool. Just you wait, NYC!

That's it then! I'm really fascinated about these places and I hate that I had to leave others like Australia, California and Austria out of it.

What's the place you'd like to visit the most?

A big big hug,


Acqua

Letting Go Of What Never Was

And I say goodbye to everything we could have been.

Sometimes, people, or situations, or moments that we yearn for are long gone, and it just takes us a little longer to get used to the idea. We create a future in our heads, everything that could happen, and fall in love with that future. We fall in love with every single detail, we imagine the good and the bad it will bring, just to believe it will eventually happen.

But sometimes, this future was never meant to be. We just don't want to accept it.

So we keep on waiting for that future to come, until our brain finally accepts what had been in our subconscience for a long time: it's never going to happen. And we cry, not only because of that particular thing we wanted, but because of what we hoped it would bring, this life only in our heads. We grieve that lost life.

It's really, really hard. We write songs about it, we write it down, we think it through, and we listen to music to make us feel we are not alone.

Then, finally, we let go. We accept it's not part of our future and let it go. We feel nostalgic, sad, a little empty... and relieved, and free. Because when we let go we see all the new possibilities that lie ahead. And start creating a new future.

We know it could have been beautiful. That's our blessing and our course at the same time. But we can't help it.

Unfinished stories are quite bad, but even though unstarted ones may be even worse, there's a beauty in them. There's this hope we created. There's this memory of something that never happened. This beautiful paradox.

As Éponine says... Why regret what could not be?

A big big hug,


Acqua

My Blessing

I spent many years wondering what was wrong with me. I had this hope that one day I would find my place, and I envisioned it as finding the right friends for me, being able to party, go to dinner, and do loads of things with them. I saw myself doing the things that all teenagers were doing, like dating the cute boy I would find who would look past my armour and would love and accept me.

I never got that.

I never got what I wanted, but I got what I needed.

I wanted to find my place, but I saw my place somewhere I didn't belong. I didn't belong in those clubs partying. I didn't belong around lots of people. The problem was I kept looking for my happiness there, and I was never meant to have it that way. So I was left unhappy wondering why I was still lonely and deeply sad.

Don't get me wrong, I still wish I could do all that, and some times it gets me down. I'm in a better place now, but there are many things I'd want for me and I don't have. It's okay, though.

It's okay because then, I'm reminded that I'm blessed. I'm reminded that I have loads of stars guiding my way.

Last December, I thought there was a considerable possibility I wouldn't see 2016. I won't go talking about it because it's long and complicated, but it led me to balance what my life had been up to that point. And it made me see the things I cared about the most. And there were two that totally broke my heart (apart from the obvious, which is leaving my family and my friends): the fact that I hadn't taken writing more seriously and the fact that I would leave all the kids I've worked with behind.

I can't put in words how much these kids mean to me. When I'm with them, I can see every single word I say being taken into consideration. Of course, there are difficult kids who won't listen, but what one doesn't want to hear, the other will carry with them. The amount of kids who need someone to hug them, or pay attention to them, or make them smile, or just listen and show them that they matter... this amount is scary. I don't want any kid to feel lonely. Not happening while I'm around if I can avoid it.

As you know, I felt reaaally lonely as a kid, and it's really important to me that no kid feels like that. But asides from that... working with them just makes me really happy. Seeing life through their eyes, through the innocence and the brilliance of children, is amazing. Parents keep thanking me because they learn a lot from me, and I can't help but think I learn loads more from them. If you listen... there's so much they can tell you. And they're really grateful when someone is willing to hear.

I don't know where I'm going with this. The thing is... there's a particular generation of kids, those who are on their last year in elementary school (which finishes when you're 11-12 here) who are just my kids. They just are. I've had them at theatre, at summer camps, at the choir... I just have a very special bond with them, and because they're leaving school, they had put up a performance, so I headed to the village's school to see them.

They were so surprised and happy to see me there. The look in their eyes is something I will cherish forever. Knowing they trust me and I've been an influence to a small part of who they are is bigger than anything I could have ever imagined. There is where my happiness is at. With those kids. With the pride I feel when I see them grow to be these great boys and girls they are becoming. And with the way they show me they're grateful. That's my blessing.

I guess what I wanted to say is that you should keep your eyes open. I highly believe that happiness is something you make out of life, but sometimes, it comes from outside. And it might come from the most unexpected places. Your happiness might not be where you think you'll find it, and that's okay. There's just a different happiness waiting for you. And when you understand it... everything will change.

A big big hug,


Acqua

QOTW #12: Freedom and Respect

Guys, I'm not sure how this post will go down, but I feel like I have a lot to say and there's a lot inside of me that needs to come out, so please bare with me.

Two of the things I'm a huge fan of are the singing competition The Voice and Youtube. And two of my best friends are part of the LGBTQ+ community. So this has been a hard weekend for me emotionally.

Like most of you will know, Christina Grimmie, youtuber and contestant on the 6th season of The Voice US, was killed last Friday at her meet&greet with fans after a concert in Florida. On the following evening, over 50 people were killed on an LGBT bar, also in Orlando.

Apart from being a fan of whatever and friends with whomever, what I am to begin with is a human being. Both this events struck home, and they were quite painful, but there have been other news lately about people dying, and dying, and dying. And as a human being, I can't grasp the point of it all.

Why do people think that they even have the right to decide who lives and who dies? It's bad enough that people die of illness and accidents, but why do humans have to increase that tragic number? Christina was such a beautiful soul. Someone so grounded, so positive. She was one of those people that make the world slightly better. Why isn't she here anymore? And apart from the guy who worked at The Wizardring World of Harry Potter, the people who were killed in that bar might not have a name for us, but that doesn't make them less important. They had families, and a future. They mattered. And they're gone.

I don't get why it all is so pointless. I wish we could think more about the others. I wish we could let go of the differences and start treating others with respect.

Here's where I want to go with the quote I chose, which was an excuse to write this post but that doesn't make it less relevant. Freedom is important. You are entitled to have your freedom, but your freedom ends when the other people's starts. Freedom without respect is dangerous. If you're free but with no boundaries, you start acting like you're a god. And you're the only one who can put those boundaries.

I'm so upset. The world is upside down. I don't get it. I don't get why we can't all live with respect.

Go to your loved ones. Tell them they're important. Make sure nobody feels worthless.

I want to share a song with you, a song that Connie Talbot wrote as a tribute for Christina Grimmie and had me balling my eyes out. I hope you'll like it, here are the lyrics:

Sailing Safe [Original] – Connie Talbot
A Tribute to Christina Grimmie

Heartbreaking all around, 
We speak but there’s no sound. 
Black stains upon our cheeks, 
Our tears come falling down. 
Cry a river over you, 
And drown in its despair. 
I know I didn’t know you, 
But I know it isn’t fair. 

Cause we lost an angel, 
We lost an angel on Earth as well as Heaven. 
We lost an angel. 

And with this grief won’t you take our prayers with you please 
Now you have wings, you can teach the angels how to sing. 
And with our tears won’t you build an ocean back here. 
Sailing safe… 

You heal the broken hearts with your own melody, 
Taught us that it’s okay to not follow society. 
This world never deserved you so I say goodbye tonight. 
Good night, God bless you, rest in paradise. 

And with this grief won’t you take our prayers with you please 
Now you have wings, you can teach the angels how to sing. 
And with our tears won’t you build an ocean back here. 
Sailing safe…



A big big hug,


Acqua

Crepes and Ice Cream

I remember seeing you when I left the building. I remember there was a crowd of thousands of people, but I still saw you as clearly as if you were the only one there; at least, that's how it felt. I remember we started to walk, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.
When we got to our destination, you decided you wanted to eat and sat down on a bench. Then, shyly, you looked up and patted the surface next to you so I would sit down there. I remember it all, but the thing I remember the most is the look in your eyes when you did that. I might have blushed a little bit, but it was so endearing, so simple, so you.
I remember we went into the workshop and we sat silently next to each other. We took a selfie. I still have it on my phone. I remember that, when we had to turn around and look back, I moved a little bit closer to you, and you didn't move away. I felt that it was exactly my place. I felt like I belonged there as I'd never felt I belonged anywhere.
We left the workshop and still had time, so we found a place where we bought something to eat. It was December, so you ordered a hot chocolate crepe. But it was an unusually hot December, so I ordered an ice cream. Hot and cold. Somehow, that was the perfect depiction of how we were: really different, but coming from the same place after all.
We sat down on a hidden park bench and started to talk. The conversation flowed easily. There were no walls, there has never been any wall when it comes to you. I remember that, whenever I talked, you looked at me. You didn't just listen to me without paying attention, you were hearing every single word, and it felt like... like you saw me. You saw who I actually was, which is something not even I know. It was intimidating, because no one had ever paid attention to me that way before.
And we talked about that book we have in common, remember? That book that such few people have read and we both love so much. To some it could seem unimportant, but it was so crucial to us. That book explained something that was in both our souls. And we understood it.
After all this time, that's what I remember the most. That afternoon when I sat next to you and we ate a crepe and an ice cream. Still today, it's one of my most precious moments.


A big big hug,

Acqua

LUSH & The Body Shop Wishlist

Hi there guys! I've finally managed to go to Barcelona next Thursday and I'm finally going to Lush! I'm really excited because I've been dying to try out their products for such a long time... I'm also going to The Body Shop and Primark and I think I'll be broke by Friday!

I've been going through their products and I've put on a wishlist of some things I'd like to buy, but I also need your help! If you've been to Lush and/or The Body Shop, pleaaaase let me know what you recommend! I'd love to check out your favourites :)

Without any further ado, here's the list of things I'd love to buy from Lush!

- Angels On Bare Skin face & body cleanser

- Creamy Candy bubble bath

- Big Bang bubble bath

- A French Kiss bubble bath

- Blackberry Bath Bomb

- The Experimenter bath bomb

- Dragon's Egg bath bomb

- Think Pink bath bomb

Okay, I'm definitely not buying all of them because I have a limited budget, but... these all look so good! Do you have any other recommendations? I dont have a The Body Shop list because I'm not looking for anything in particular, but if there are any specific products that you love please let me know!

A big big hug,


Acqua

Update & Tips Against Stress

I'm SO SO SO sorry! I know I was meant to post last Monday, but I got home after 11 PM because I had a meeting and all I could think of was having dinner and going to bed. I felt so bad when I realised I hadn't posted...

As you know because you're all in the same situation, the end of the school year brings lots of exams and projects and everything just keeps piling up. I also work and study music at the same time, so it can get quite overwhelming. If you've been here for a while, you'll know that I've suffered from anxiety before and, even though it wasn't triggered by the studying and working-related stress, the tips I used to overcome it are also useful for this time of the year, so I thought I could share them and some of my studying methods with you :)

1- SLEEP. Get some good, long sleep. Your brain and body won't work otherwise. When you're sleeping is when the things you've studied soak in and settle into your brain. If just one day you need to sleep less, it's okay, but NEVER less than 5-6 hours. Under no circumstances.

2- Don't do the same thing for a loooong period of time. Some people tell me they've spent the whole weekend locked at home to study THE SAME FREAKING SUBJECT. I admire them because it's something I can never do, although I can't help but think after a while, time isn't as useful. Your brain can get stuck, and you can't force it to go further. If you really have so much to do, maybe switch the subject, or do a different kind of work. And in most cases...

3- Take some time off. Have a nice, bubbly bath. Do some yoga (I've just started and it's really useful). Go for a walk, breathe some actual air. Go to the cinema. Go to have dinner with friends. Just do exciting and calming things between the studying.

4- Plan what you want to do and reward yourself when you complete a task. Even though I'm not always able to follow my lists and schedules, making them is very practical because it allows me to view everything that has to be done. That calms me down quite a lot.

5- Find what works best for you. Everybody has different ways of studying. Just keep trying things to see what works with the way your brain is built. Don't assume that because someone else studies in a certain way, this way will work for you. Find your own method.

6- Finally, be smart and see what your teacher wants. A question can be answered in different ways depending on the teacher that's going to correct it. Every teacher is an individual who considers certain things more important than others, and you need to pick up on that. Get to know who you're dealing with!

That's it! I hope you'll have a relatively nice and calm exam period :) And I'll see you on Friday with my May Favourites!

A big big hug,


Acqua

Answering your questions!

Hi there guys! How are you today wherever you are on the world? I've been asking you to ask me questions for the last week, thank you to all of you who did! This is my first Q&A, so I'm really excited :) Let's get to it!

Laura (www.blossomofhope.blogspot.com)

- What has been your biggest achievement in life?
I feel like my biggest external achievement was A Fiddler On The Roof . Those who have been around longer will know it, but for those who don't, I was in a local production of A Fiddler On The Roof that immediately went huge! It was all over the newspapers with amazing critiques, and we were invited to one of the biggest theatres in Catalonia. I translated the whole thing when I was 16 and it was a hell of a work, but I loved every second! Then I got to play Hodel, who is one of my favourite characters ever. It was such a blessing! My biggest personal achievement I think would be learning to keep my anxiety at bay :)


 Rosie (rosieauthorwriting.blogspot.com)

- What are your favourite places in the world?
My village is actually one. There's just so much to do for such a small village... I know loads of people who can't wait to finish studying so they can go to live abroad. I'm just not one of them. I love travelling though, just... as a temporary thing! My favourite places I've visited are London, Rome, the North of Italy, Nantes, the Chenonceau castle in France... I wish I could visit Florence, Greece, Scotland and the U.S.! (Either coast would be awesome!)

- Other than blogging, what are your hobbies?
I have plenty! I love working with children, singing, playing the violin, reading, writing, swimming, watching TV series, watching films, watching reality singing competitions, listening to music, going to concerts, watching youtube... and I'm sure there are more that don't come to my mind right now!

- How was high school for you?
Honestly? It was haaaaaaard. So hard. I only knew a couple of people from my previous school, which was awesome because I'd been bullied really badly. I wanted to start over. The first year, my best friend who came with me was ill for some months, so I had to make new friends, and everything was fine. But when she came back, she didn't like that I had more friends. She became a really possessive person and sent everybody away from me. I spent two awful years. That's when I got anxiety and a bad, bad depression. At the end of my third year, though I met a guy who became my best friend. He was amazing. It took that girl a year and a half to take him away from me too. And then, things went bad again, but I managed better (wow, this is almost a book hahaha sorry it's so long!)

- Who are your top 5 blog/bloggers?
Wooooooow this is such a hard question! You all know I love El's blog, and Rosie's and Beth's have been my favourites for a long time too! But recently I've found more blogs that I love... I can't say only 5! To name a few, blossomofhope, Emily Maltby, ItsElla, ambiinwonderland, thepastelstyle, wellwellgirls, Royally Rouge, Autumn's... sorry if I forgot someone! >.<


Ambi (ambiinwonderland.com)

- What would be the one thing in makeup that you have to have in your collection?
I think it would have to be mascara, because it's the only thing I wear daily! Eye pencil looks better on me though... but I save it for special occasions! So mascara it is! ^^


El the Bookworm (theramblingssofmoi.blogspot.com)

- If you could be any book/film/theater/miscellaneous character, who would you be?
EAAAASY. Not to steal it from Rosie, but it would definitely be Éponine. Gosh, if I could play her in a production of LesMis... it would SO make me the happiest person on the world! But it's true that actually being her wouldn't be the best thing hahha If I could live one character's life I think it would have to be Luna from Harry Potter. I'd love to see things from her point of view and, of course, I'd love to go to Hogwarts!

- What would you be doing with your life if you weren't blogging?
Writing anything. I started blogging less than a month after finishing the fanfiction I'd been writing for 8 years because I couldn't just stay without writing and sharing my thoughts! I'm working on another project too, but that's classified ;)

- What is something that is traditional to your country that you love? 

Castells

Ball de Bastons

I love love love my culture! Here I have to specify: I don't consider the Spanish culture to be the one I belong to. It's not that I don't like it, I think a lot of Spanish traditions are really cool, but I've been raised in Catalonia, which has a different culture than the rest of Spain because of its past as a different country, and I love the traditions here, which I feel are mine. For instance, my favourite one is Castells, human towers. They're getting really huge right now! A lot of people belong to a group. I don't, but a lot of my family members do, and I always go to see their performances! I see them every time I can; I love them so much. I also love Ball de Bastons (stick dancers), which I take part in.


Jess (wellwellgirls.blogspot.com)

- If you have three wishes to make, what are they?
Wow, that's hard! I wish my brother would spend more time with the family. He's had a girlfriend for a year and he barely talks to us, and I wish that could change. I also wish wars were over. It's really cliché, I know, but it would make the world so much better. Finally, I wish people could respect one another. A lot of problems in our society come from disrespect. And I think it's so wrong!


Beth (bethmay75.blogspot.com)

- What inspired you to start writing a blog?
The idea came from Girl Online, I'm not original with that hahaha I just wanted to write more after finishing my fanfiction and it felt so right!

- What do you like to do in your free time?
Loads of things! All the hobbies I said above can apply to this. I sign up to more things than I actually have the time to do. It can get overwhelming, but I try to manage as well as I can! I love baking too, and drinking tea.

- What's your favourite shop or brand? 
I really don't think I have one. I loved Maybelline because of their nail varnishes, but I've found out they test on animals and I'm really disappointed. Ooooooh I know I know, my favourite shop is Fnac! They have books and music and dvds and electronic products and stationery and I'm so happy when I go! La Casa del Llibre (The book house) would be a good one too. Both of them have books in English, so that's always a bonus.


Ella (ellacrabb.blogspot.com)

- If you could make a film, what would it be about?
It would so be a musical! It would have love, and pain, and happiness, and sadness, and loaaads of drama! Some storylines would have a sad ending, but some of them wouldn't, and the final message would always be: there is always hope. If I made a film, I'd want to spread hope. Maybe that could be the title and the name of the main character! That's actually a good idea!


That's all! Thank you so much for the questions and I'll see you on Monday!

A big big hug,


Acqua

Growing Up

Growing up is something I said I never wanted to do, and yet here I am. I've changed so much and still have so much to learn.

It's weird to me how things are when you see them from another perspective. How something that seemed the end of the world is just a funny story of how worried I could get, or how something that wasn't special at that moment stands out now.

One of the things I've realised is how you stop being on the extreme of things. When you're younger, you are always the most whatever of the place, and later it's like you've softened on the edges. Or maybe you're still as rough, but you see that there are other people more on the extreme. And suddenly, you're not the smartest in the room. You're not the weirdest anymore. You're not the most innocent. You're not the one who reads the most. You're still smart, and weird, and innocent, and read a lot, but there are always people who are further on the end.

At the beginning I kinda lost myself. I somehow hated to feel that different, but at the same time, knowing I was all those things was reassuring. It was like I knew who I was all the time. I knew my place, I knew what to expect from life. And then, I wasn't that anymore.

If I wasn't the smartest, or the weirdest, or the one who read the most... then, who was I?

Those thoughts scared me to death, and they still do. People keep telling me I have to show myself instead of pretending to be someone else, and I try, but then I think... If I don't know who I am, how am I going to show it?

I can clearly say who the 14-year-old me was, as if it were a different person. Maybe this difference is what allows me to describe her.

I think we never stop growing up, and yet we never stop being children if we don't want to. We can still see the beauty in things, look at life as if everything was brand new and, at the same time, have this extra knowledge that comes with time and lets us see how we don't know anything at all. Putting things into perspective. That's what it's all about.

Let me know if you have any questions for me, because I'll be doing a Q&A next Friday! Until then...

A big big hug!


Acqua

Day In My Life: Sant Jordi!

Good morning guys! I'm really excited about today's post because it's my first "day in the life" and because I get to share my favourite day with you! You all know that the 23rd of April is the International Book Day, but what you might not know is that this is a pretty important day in Catalonia, where I live, because it's Saint George's Day and Saint George (Sant Jordi) is our patron saint.

There is a legend that is told to every little kid at school: Once upon a time, there was a city that was threatened by a dragon. People used to give animals to feed the dragon, but soon there were no more animals to feed it and they decided that they should give a young maiden every day instead. They picked up a name from the box and it turned out to be the Princess. The King said that she should be spared, but she said that it was her turn and she would go. The King was devastated. When the dragon was about to kill the Princess, a young warrior riding a horse appeared and defeated the dragon. The warrior was Saint George. Roses grew from the dragon's blood and he gave one to the Princess. Some stories say he then went on to marry the Princess and rule the kingdom, but many more say that he then left the city to save more people that needed his help.

This is the reason that there is a beautiful tradition for Sant Jordi: boys give girls a rose, and girls give boys a book. Nowadays, everybody gives books and roses to their loved ones, and honestly, I think it's such a beautiful tradition. I always go to Barcelona for this day because it's full of little stalls selling books and roses (and when I say full I mean it, there are thousands of them.) There are stages with people performing, writers signing books, and the spirit of the day is so festive and cheerful. I absolutely love it! I was really excited and I kept my phone out all the time to capture everything so I could show it to you guys. Allons-y!

I got on the train with a friend at 8:32 a.m. so we could be in Barcelona by 10, because being a Saturday we knew there would be too many people later. 9:45, we got to Barcelona and we got straight to La casa del llibre (The book's house), my favourite library, so we could buy before it became impossible due to the overcrowding. We met another friend there. I bought the first part of Endgame, which I'm REALLY excited to read, and Insurgent and Allegiant in Catalan so my sister could read them (she's always angry at me because I keep buying books in English and she wants to read them hahaha).

Afterwards, we stopped by the Casa Batlló, a building by Gaudí, a really important Catalan architect (he designed the Sagrada Família and Parc Güell, among other things). They covered it with (artificial, of course) roses for the occasion and it was beautiful!

We took a lot of pictures there and then went to the central square, Plaça Catalunya.

There, we stopped by the TV and radio stages, to see the shows being filmed and recorded there live. It's always fun to see TV people really close to you, even if you don't get to talk to them!

Then, we went to the Rambles, and we got to a stage where we saw a couple of nice bands last year, but unfortunately the bands were scheduled for later.

Barcelona was full of these, it says: When I read, I'm everything I want to be, and then in small: A princess in armour, a prince in love with roses and a vegetarian dragon. I absolutely loved it!

 
We walked in the Rambles for a bit, and then went to the Cathedral Square because there are always shows. We saw a lot of people dressed up (in a rose-selling stall there were a couple of guys dressed up as princesses and it was hilarious hahaha). Then, we went to see a friend of my friend's, who was working at a pharmacy shop (she actually gave us a couple of product samples, so watch out for nearby reviews ;) ).

We went back to Plaça Catalunya and stopped by the Disney Store on our way because we just couldn't help it hahaha

Then we visited FNAC, a place where they sell cultural and electronic products, to see if the had the other two parts of Endgame, but it was SO full of people we could barely walk, so we went out and I thought I would buy them on Amazon. We actually spent a lot of time to get out of there, it was late (12:30) and Barcelona was starting to be suffocatingly full, so we decided to take the train back home!

A cute bag I bought to carry the books! It's supposed to be Saint George kissed by the Princess after he saves her!

When I got home I went to the local library with my mum and sister to see what they purchased. My mum wasn't sure which book to pick up, so I told her she could choose one to buy and I gave her the other one as a gift. My sister picked up Omnia by Laura Gallego García, which I'm definitely reading when she finishes it!

In the afternoon I slept a bit because I was exhausted and I had an exciting evening ahead: my choir was singing a Sant Jordi concert, and I needed to be at my best! We had been working so hard and we were excited to show the result. Quite a lot of people came, and everybody liked it very much! Many people said they were so emotional they almost cried, so that's good hahaha In the end, they wouldn't stop clapping! I think it was one of our biggest successes and I'm really proud of me and the girls because I think we did really well and people saw it. It was amazing!

So this was my day! I figure you understand why I'm behind in commenting on your blogs hahaa I'm gonna get to it this afternoon! I hope you enjoyed this post, tell me if you've done anything exciting this weekend! Have a nice week!

A big big hug,


Acqua